bagginspotterkenobi: someone on the westeros forum was talking shit about the starks and said “shaggydog sounds like something a 3 year old would name their wolf”
I thought if I quit looking around for you, I would forget you. I thought if I...– Rachel Gibson, See Jane Score (via cesttoujourslamemehistoire)
turntechgodisc: I was looking up the word “dibs” on wikipedia and I was wondering if other cultures had their own form of it and… …yeah.
timelordy-teganbreann: timelordy-teganbreann: swim-two-birds: If you’ve never read Shakespeare’s plays, you’re missing out on some quality zingers. are you telling me that shakespeare was doing your mom jokes in his plays who the fuck americanised my spelling of “mum” u lil shit i’m australian i don’t want your eagle freedom i have drop bears and boxing kangaroos u wanna go m8
jcatgrl: freedom of speech means that the government is not allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up. it doesn’t mean that i am not allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up.
chefboyardeezie: banjo-jeff: chefboyardeezie: when im rich the first thing im doing is getting laser hair removal on every inch of my body that isn’t my head you’ll look pretty funny without eyebrows im at least 3% sure that my eyebrows r on my head
(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
karl-christoph: Some people are rusted strings on a guitar you don’t want to part with.
k-hiq: hikaribakuras: holyjazspers: horton hears a huh horton hears a what horton hears a chicka chicka slim shady HORTON HEARS NOTHING HORTON IS AS DEAD AS THIS JOKE horton hears a hater
they-are-all-lies: wizardsandhijack: hospitalf0rsouls: Omfg so if Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God… did Mary have a little lamb? you broke the world THE SONG ACTUALLY MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE NOW.OISNCDSIDNCEWKJRNFWEK
deanspelvis: deanspelvis: deanspelvis: omg my brother just came n my room and threw a micheal jackson cd at me and yelled YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY YOU’VE BEEN STRUCK BY A SMOOOTH CRIMINAL no you don’t reblog this it hit me in the face UPDATE: he came back in and said “annie you okay?”
psychoticpingouins: 48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
jawnn-locked: adiostoreadontcare: turntechtier: jawnn-locked: turntechtier: jawnn-locked: the okay gatsby the mediocre gatsby the you could have done better gatsby the terrible gatsby The -you did great but not oscar award winning great- gatsby
newpope: esexist: i really need a job [alicia keys voice] THIS GIRL IS FOR HIIIIREEEEEEEEE
dampsandwich: *asks someone a personal question via text* *throws phone across the room*